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The Depression is Coming!

October 6, 2008

Although I hold great hope that McCain has a chance in this election, the fact is, Obama has a real chance of winning.

I have been spending my free time preparing for that eventuality. It isn’t easy trying to wrap my head around the fact that the first president with hideously deformed ears could be elected in just a few short weeks.

But it’s reality, and I’m dealing with it.

Clearly, Obama and his ears will be raising taxes if he takes office. This means financial ruin for myself and you of course. This is where you start to cry because you’ve realized everything you’ve worked for in life is about to be destroyed.

But there are ways you can work to lessen the blow of complete financial devastation!

1. Stock up on peanut butter cups. Trust me, you’ll be thanking me after the depression hits and they stop making candy.

2. Buy a gun. I just think you should buy one because Obama doesn’t want you to have one. And if things get really bad, you’ll have a way to end it all. Don’t forget the bullets.

3. Eat anything you can get your hands on. I’ve been working on this for years now. I’ve got enough fat reserves for 2 or 3 Great Depressions. All those people who made fun of me for my large frame won’t be laughing when I’m living off my fat reserves for months at a time….take that bitches!

4. Seriously consider learning how to make meth in your basement. It might be the only way to make it through the next four years. I’d appreciate it if you’d give me a discount when I come calling…

5. Begin committing crimes that carry a sentence of 4 years or more. I’m willing to bet you’ll be treated better as a criminal than as a law-abiding citizen. Your reputation might be tarnished, but at least you won’t die alone in the streets like the rest of us poor bastards.

~T the D

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