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Things I never expected to see at the bridal show….

March 1, 2009

1. BABIES – there were babies everywhere. There were so many babies, I became convinced there was a booth somewhere giving them away. Sadly, I was wrong. I guess I’ll have to wait for the baby expo to come to town so I can pick myself up an infant.

2. GOTHS – Shouldn’t they be browsing Hot Topic and not trolling around a Notre Dame bridal show? Or maybe coordinating their weddings with the local funeral home?

3. MEAT SUCKLING – seriously…two women that I’m sure have made a few extra bucks in the back seat of some guy’s car before. The way they worked those sausage samples was sinful. You know if it embarrassed me it must have been bad. There were sound effects…I kid you not.

4. A WOMAN WITH Z-CUPS – I do not know how this woman was mobile. I thought for sure when was going to fall on her face when she stood up. They must have weighed at least 10 pounds each…easily. I’m also fairly certain she needs help in the morning getting them into her bra. Which leads me to wonder where she can get a bra that size in the first place. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was holding them up with an elaborate rope and pulley system.

Now that my friend Jenn is engaged (and leaving me all alone in single-ness!) I’m sure I’ll be reporting more news from the world of bridal shows, dress shops, and whatnot. It should provide a welcome diversion to the craptacular political news I usually have to complain about.

Come on…you know that if I see more women suckling meat you want to read about it. Don’t deny the truth.

~T the D

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